Lawak Pagi Senin

The Arrogance of Authority 
  
  A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas , and talked with an old rancher.
  He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
  The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there...",
as he pointed out the location.
 
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, "Mister, I have the authority
of the Federal Government with me !"
   
  Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and
proudly displayed it to the rancher.
  "See this badge?!  This badge means I am allowed to go wherever
I wish.... On any land !!   No questions asked or answers given!!  Have I made myself clear...
  do you understand ?!!"
 The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores. 
       

   A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and
saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's
big Santa Gertrudis bull...
   
With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and
it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before
he reached safety.  The officer was clearly terrified.
  The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence, and 
yelled at the top of his lungs.....  
 (I just love this part...)   
    
   

 

   "Your badge, show him your BADGE. 

Wow - good news for a change!

If you never learn the language of gratitude, you will never be on speaking terms with happiness.

 

 

THIS ONE HAD ME IN TEARS...

A father and mother kissing their dying little girl goodbye. If you are wondering why all the medic people are bowing: in less than an hour, two small children in the next room are able to live thanks to the little girl's kidney and liver.

The Pastor's Ass

The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey
that he entered it in the race again and it won again.

The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of
publicity that he ordered the Pastor not  to enter
the donkey in another race.

The next day the local paper headline
read:


BISHOP SCRATCHES
PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the Bishop so he
ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey.

The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a
nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted
the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The Bishop fainted.

He informed the Nun that she would have to
get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read:

NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the Bishop so he
ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read:

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The Bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is . . . being
concerned about public opinion can
bring you much grief and misery . . even shorten your
life.

So be yourself and enjoy life.

Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and
you'll be a lot happier and live longer!

Have a nice day!

Lawak pagi senin

After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified -- an American, a Russian, an Australian and a Gujarati from India.  He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job. The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know?" Dave, the American, replied, "A THOUGHT. It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of." "That's very good!" replied the interviewer. "And now you sir?" he asked Vladimir, the Russian.  "Hmm... let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know."  "Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed." He then turned to George, the Australian who was contemplating his reply.  "Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on Yep, Turning on a LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of." The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light" he said.  Turning to Patel, the Guy from India, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question. Patel replied, (in his Gujju accent!) "Apter herring da 3 prebius ansers sir, et's obius to me dat the fastest thing is DIARRHEA." "WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response. The others were already giggling in their seats... "Oh, I can expleyn sir," said Patel.  "You see, sir, da ader day my tummy was pheeling bad and so I run so fast to the baatrum,, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I alredi done it !"  Patel is now the new "Office Manager" at Wal-Mart in Washington.

These Are Just Pencils! I am Just Me!!

THESE ARE JUST PENCILS. 

Please.......READ THE PARABLE AT THE END!

A PENCIL MAKER TOLD THE PENCIL 5 IMPORTANT LESSONS JUST BEFORE PUTTING IT IN THE BOX :


1.) EVERYTHING YOU DO WILL ALWAYS LEAVE A MARK.

2.) YOU CAN ALWAYS CORRECT THE MISTAKES YOU MAKE.

3.) WHAT IS IMPORTANT IS WHAT IS INSIDE OF YOU.

4.) IN LIFE, YOU WILL UNDERGO PAINFUL SHARPENINGS, WHICH WILL ONLY MAKE YOU BETTER.

5.) TO BE THE BEST PENCIL, YOU MUST ALLOW YOURSELF

 

TO BE HELD AND GUIDED BY THE HAND THAT HOLDS YOU.

 

 

We all need to be constantly sharpened.

This parable may encourage you to know that you are a special person, with unique God-given talents and abilities.

Only you can fulfill the purpose which you were born to accomplish.

Never allow yourself to get discouraged and think that your life is insignificant and cannot be changed .

 

Like the pencil, always remember that the most important part of who you are, is what's inside of you.

 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     

TAHUKAH ANDA???

Informasi Dot My

Terima kasih, Tun Dr Mahathir!

TAHUKAH ANDA??

1. Dia lah yang menggerakkan negara islam yang lain untuk membantu Bosnia & Herzogovinia ketika umat islam disana disembelih oleh pengganas Serbia.

2. Dia juga lah yg menghantar ratusan komando Malaysia yang dibawa masuk secara sulit ke Bosnia untuk membantu saudara seIslam ketika era pencerobohan dan pembunuhan beramai-ramai umat Islam di Bosnia ketika itu. “Kalau negara Arab ini tidak datang membantu, kita hantar sahaja askar kita,” - Tun Mahathir.

3) Dia juga lah berpakat dengan kerajaan Sultan Brunei menyediakan jumlah dana yang berjuta dollar untuk membeli senjata dan peluru anti kereta kebal untuk tentera Islam Bosnia.

4) Dia lah yang pernah menangis ketika melawat Bunker yang menjadi pejabat Yasser Arafat di Palestine.

5) Dia juga lah pemimpin islam yg Yasser Arafat hubungi meminta bantuan dan pertolongan ketika diserang oleh rejim zionis.

6) Dia juga lah yg mempertaruhkan nyawa isterinya,Tun Dr Siti Hasmah menaiki pesawat ke Baghdad membawa bantuan kemanusiaan kepada umat islam demi untuk melepaskn sekatan Amerika Syarikat.

7) Dia lah yang digelar MahaFiraun dan dia jugalah yang lantang mengutuk kekejaman Yakjuj Makjuj / Zionis ke atas umat islam serta mempertahankan islam dimata dunia.

8) Dia lah yang berusaha keras, tak hanya duduk berdoa tanpa berbuat apa2.

9) Dia lah yang ketika saudara islam yang berlainan parti mendoakan kecelakaan untuknya. Tapi dia diizin oleh Allah SWT masuk ke dalam KAABAH.

10) Dia jugalah pernah ditembak dan mengorbankan jawatan tertinggi yang beliau ada bagi menyelamatkan umat Islam di Bosnia.

Malah beliau kini dianggap sebagai seorang pemimpin dunia yang berjaya meskipun memimpin sebuah negara yang kecil. Beliau bukan hanya berjaya Memerdekakan negaranya dari semua segi, tetapi berusaha memerdekakan negara-negara lain dari belenggu falsafah pembangunan yang dijana dari barat yang jelas muflis idealistiknya..

Siapa dia? Ya.. dialah..

TUN DR MAHATHIR BIN MOHAMAD, Bekas PERDANA MENTERI MALAYSIA dan manusia yang dihormati UMAT ISLAM dan PEMIMPIN ISLAM seluruh dunia. Thanks Tun!

Kredit: Kakibising