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Monday, October 15, 2012

The Pastor's Ass





The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey
that he entered it in the race again and it won again.

The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of
publicity that he ordered the Pastor not  to enter
the donkey in another race.

The next day the local paper headline
read:


BISHOP SCRATCHES
PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the Bishop so he
ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey.

The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a
nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted
the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The Bishop fainted.

He informed the Nun that she would have to
get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read:

NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the Bishop so he
ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read:

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The Bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is . . . being
concerned about public opinion can
bring you much grief and misery . . even shorten your
life.

So be yourself and enjoy life.

Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and
you'll be a lot happier and live longer!

Have a nice day!

Lawak pagi senin


After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified -- an American, a Russian, an Australian and a Gujarati from India. 

He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know?"

Dave, the American, replied, "A THOUGHT. It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."

"That's very good!" replied the interviewer.

"And now you sir?" he asked Vladimir, the Russian. 
"Hmm... let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know." 

"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed."
He then turned to George, the Australian who was contemplating his reply. 

"Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on Yep, Turning on a LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light" he said. 

Turning to Patel, the Guy from India, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question. Patel replied, (in his Gujju accent!) "Apter herring da 3 prebius ansers sir, et's obius to me dat the fastest thing is DIARRHEA."

"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response. The others were already giggling in their seats...

"Oh, I can expleyn sir," said Patel. 

"You see, sir, da ader day my tummy was pheeling bad and so I run so fast to the baatrum,, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I alredi done it !" 

Patel is now the new "Office Manager" at Wal-Mart in Washington.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

These Are Just Pencils! I am Just Me!!


THESE ARE JUST PENCILS. 












Please.......READ THE PARABLE AT THE END!



A PENCIL MAKER TOLD THE PENCIL 5 IMPORTANT LESSONS JUST BEFORE PUTTING IT IN THE BOX :



1.) EVERYTHING YOU DO WILL ALWAYS LEAVE A MARK.

2.) YOU CAN ALWAYS CORRECT THE MISTAKES YOU MAKE.

3.) WHAT IS IMPORTANT IS WHAT IS INSIDE OF YOU.

4.) IN LIFE, YOU WILL UNDERGO PAINFUL SHARPENINGS, WHICH WILL ONLY MAKE YOU BETTER.

5.) TO BE THE BEST PENCIL, YOU MUST ALLOW YOURSELF
 
TO BE HELD AND GUIDED BY THE HAND THAT HOLDS YOU.
 
 
We all need to be constantly sharpened.
This parable may encourage you to know that you are a special person, with unique God-given talents and abilities.
Only you can fulfill the purpose which you were born to accomplish.
Never allow yourself to get discouraged and think that your life is insignificant and cannot be changed .
 
Like the pencil, always remember that the most important part of who you are, is what's inside of you.
 
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     

Thursday, October 4, 2012

TAHUKAH ANDA???




Terima kasih, Tun Dr Mahathir!

TAHUKAH ANDA??

1. Dia lah yang menggerakkan negara islam yang lain untuk membantu Bosnia & Herzogovinia ketika umat islam disana disembelih oleh pengganas Serbia.

2. Dia juga lah yg menghantar ratusan komando Malaysia yang dibawa masuk secara sulit ke Bosnia untuk membantu saudara seIslam ketika era pencerobohan dan pembunuhan beramai-ramai umat Islam di Bosnia ketika itu. “Kalau negara Arab ini tidak datang membantu, kita hantar sahaja askar kita,” - Tun Mahathir.

3) Dia juga lah berpakat dengan kerajaan Sultan Brunei menyediakan jumlah dana yang berjuta dollar untuk membeli senjata dan peluru anti kereta kebal untuk tentera Islam Bosnia.

4) Dia lah yang pernah menangis ketika melawat Bunker yang menjadi pejabat Yasser Arafat di Palestine.

5) Dia juga lah pemimpin islam yg Yasser Arafat hubungi meminta bantuan dan pertolongan ketika diserang oleh rejim zionis.

6) Dia juga lah yg mempertaruhkan nyawa isterinya,Tun Dr Siti Hasmah menaiki pesawat ke Baghdad membawa bantuan kemanusiaan kepada umat islam demi untuk melepaskn sekatan Amerika Syarikat.

7) Dia lah yang digelar MahaFiraun dan dia jugalah yang lantang mengutuk kekejaman Yakjuj Makjuj / Zionis ke atas umat islam serta mempertahankan islam dimata dunia.

8) Dia lah yang berusaha keras, tak hanya duduk berdoa tanpa berbuat apa2.

9) Dia lah yang ketika saudara islam yang berlainan parti mendoakan kecelakaan untuknya. Tapi dia diizin oleh Allah SWT masuk ke dalam KAABAH.

10) Dia jugalah pernah ditembak dan mengorbankan jawatan tertinggi yang beliau ada bagi menyelamatkan umat Islam di Bosnia.

Malah beliau kini dianggap sebagai seorang pemimpin dunia yang berjaya meskipun memimpin sebuah negara yang kecil. Beliau bukan hanya berjaya Memerdekakan negaranya dari semua segi, tetapi berusaha memerdekakan negara-negara lain dari belenggu falsafah pembangunan yang dijana dari barat yang jelas muflis idealistiknya..

Siapa dia? Ya.. dialah..

TUN DR MAHATHIR BIN MOHAMAD, Bekas PERDANA MENTERI MALAYSIA dan manusia yang dihormati UMAT ISLAM dan PEMIMPIN ISLAM seluruh dunia. Thanks Tun!

Kredit: Kakibising
 

Friday, September 21, 2012

KASIH HINGGA KE SYURGA...SUAMI MITHALI


‘Saya jaga dia sampai bila-bila’

Oleh Yusmizal Dolah Aling
yusmizal@hmetro.com.my
E-mel Artikel Cetak Artikel Tanda Artikel Besarkan Saiz Teks Kecilkan Saiz Teks Komen Artikel
KASIH...Abdul Hamid menjaga isterinya di rumah mereka di Pantai Permai, Kerinchi.
KASIH...Abdul Hamid menjaga isterinya di rumah mereka di Pantai Permai, Kerinchi.
KUALA LUMPUR: “Pernah satu ketika, saya hilang arah dan tak tahu nak buat apa. Buntu memikirkan anak-anak dengan keadaan isteri yang kritikal, saya pula dibuang kerja, namun saya kuatkan semangat menghadapi ujian ini.
“Alhamdulillah, saya berjaya laluinya dan isteri semakin sihat. Insya-Allah, saya akan jaga dia sampai bila-bila,” kata Abdul Hamid Alias, pemandu teksi yang menjaga isterinya selepas disahkan menghidap kanser tulang tahap empat sejak dua tahun lalu.
Katanya, kasih sayang yang kuat terhadap Zurida Yusuff, 44, sedikit pun tidak pernah pudar biarpun rutin harian hidupnya berubah sama sekali apabila terpaksa mengambil alih semua tanggungjawab menjaga anak, memasak, mengemas rumah termasuk memberi tumpuan sepenuhnya kepada isterinya itu, setiap hari.

Menurutnya, pengesahan doktor mengenai keadaan kesihatan isterinya pada 2010 begitu memberi kesan kepada hidupnya sehingga diberhentikan kerja sebagai pengawal keselamatan kerana terlalu kerap mengambil cuti menjaga insan tersayang.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

We Luv U DADDY





Father’s who are kind, loving, caring, tolerant & patient, who spend maximum time with their families and strive to be rolemodels are the greatest asset to a home.

The role of a father to protect the family and instill spirituality, values & morals can only be fulfilled correctly if he realizes the seriousness of this great responsibility.

The Almighty has instilled the respect of a father in the eyes of the children but his actions can either build upon it or destroy it as time passes.

When the father of the home is irresponsible, the entire home is affected negatively and the future of the children is at stake.

Let’s become the best dads possible who bring our children up in the best possible way by the Help of the Almighty

Daddy:  Thank you for being a great father...ur always around when we need u...in fact ur always at home with us and spend most of your time with us...Thank you for being kind, loving, caring, tolerant & patient towards us.  WLU.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Urgent : Silly Video, My Advice To Muslims.


Credit: OutSyedTheBox


Its getting worse. So far 21 deaths have taken place throughout the Islamic world caused by violence over a silly video clip made by some ex-convict in far away America. 

The latest is a suicide attack on a minibus in Kabul, the Afghan capital which killed 12 people on Tuesday, including seven foreigners. The Hezb-e-Islami group claimed responsibility, saying the blast was retaliation for the film mocking the Prophet.  "A woman wearing a suicide vest blew herself up in response to the anti-Islam video," said Zubair Sediqqi, a spokesman for the militant faction

In Egypt an al-Qaida-linked Egyptian jihadist, Ahmed Ashoush, issued a religious edict, or fatwa, saying it is justified to kill anyone who took part in the making of the prophet film. His fatwa, posted on a militant website, says the blood of the participants in the movie "should be shed, including the producer, the director and the actors" and that "their killing is a duty of every capable Muslim." 

Here are some pictures from around the Islamic countries protesting the video clip.



Picture above : this is the site of that suicide attack in Kabul that killed 12 people. Including the young woman suicide bomber, that makes 13 people dead in Kabul. Nothing has been achieved other than killing people.



Burning your own country and running wild in your own country. This picture above is from Jakarta. And below here is an Indonesian Policeman shooting tear gas at the protesters, his own people. 


In the picture below, protesters smashing windows in Sanaa, Yemen. Their own windows.



Protesters practising their gate climbing skills in Sanaa, Yemen. Just after this picture was taken, Police fired shots to disperse them. Demonstrating in your own country and getting shot by your own Police.


This is Tahrir Square, Cairo. The mob is burning cars, their own cars. 


The Bangla Bhais did not want to be left out. A protest in Dacca in Bangladesh.



This was Jalalabad in Afghanistan. They are too poor. So they burned dry grass and old tyres. If they had cars and buses they would have burned the cars and buses.


The next picture is Tunis in Tunisia. Police have fired tear gas to disperse protesters. 


This is Khartoum in Sudan. There is no US Embassy in Khartoum. So they attacked and burnt the German Embassy instead. No McDonald's or KFC either. No Starbucks. Boring place.


The next picture is the saddest. These are young kids in Afghanistan. That looks like a six year old on the left. Maybe I am mistaken, maybe he is seven years old. The next generation of demonstrators, protesters and suicide bombers. They are already street protesters. Protesting against things they have no idea about or understand about. How many of these kids will become literate in say the next 10 years? How many of them will become suicide bombers? How many of them will live long healthy lives and die natural deaths?


Muslims are in this predicament because they do not follow the teachings of their Prophet in the Quran. 

If people throw an insult at you, what should Muslims do? What did the Prophet teach us in the Quran? Surely Muslims must have the faith that the Quran was taught to them by the Prophet. Surely the Muslims must have faith in the Quran.

When faced with insults, annoying language or hurtful words the Prophet taught us in the Quran :

Surah 3:186   "You shall surely be tried in your possessions and your persons and you shallsurely hear many hurtful things from those who were given the Book before you and from those who set up equals to ALLAH. But if you show patience and fortitude and act righteously, that indeed is a matter of high resolve."

Here it is in Malay :

Surah Al Imran : 86 "Demi sesungguhnya, kamu akan diuji pada harta benda dan diri kamu. Dan demi sesungguhnya, kamu akan mendengar dari orang-orang yang telah diberikan Kitab dahulu daripada kamu dan orang-orang yang musyrik: banyak (tuduhan-tuduhan dan cacian) yang menyakitkan hati. Dalam pada itu, jika kamu bersabar dan bertaqwa maka sesungguhnya yang demikian itu adalah dari perkara-perkara yang dikehendaki diambil berat "
Folks, this was written down over 1400 years ago. The Muslims have been hearing and the Muslims will continue to hear hurtful things from other people. They cannot be burning their own cars and getting shot by their own Police each time some satanic provocateur makes a video, writes a book or draws a cartoon. 

When faced with such insults we must show more maturity, patience, fortitude and we must act more righteously. That will disarm these provocateurs. The fatwa that everyone who was involved in making that video clip should be killed is therefore completely wrong.  It is insane.

If the Muslims also riot and run crazy all the time, then they are only proving true what the provocateurs are saying - that the Muslims are a wild and crazy people.

Please pass this message around.  Even if we can save one life or one limb, that would be a good thing.


Thursday, September 13, 2012

Ciuman antara DAP & KETUA PKR




A Chinese immigrant went hunting one day in Ontario, Canada and bagged three ducks. 
  
He put them in the back of his pickup truck and was about to
drive home when he was confronted by a game warden who didn't like Chinaman.

The game warden ordered the Chinese to show his hunting license and the Chinese pulled out a valid Ontario hunting license.

The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said, 
" this duck ain't from Ontario. 
This is a Quebec duck. 
You got a Quebec hunting license, boy..?? "

The Chinese reached into his wallet and produced a Quebec hunting license.

The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, 
and said " this ain't no Quebec duck. 
This duck's from Manitoba. 
You got a Manitoba license..?? "

The Chinese reached into his wallet and produced a Manitoba hunting license. 

The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its butt, 
and said " this ain't no Manitoba duck. 
This here duck's from Nova Scotia. 
You got a Nova Scotia hunting license..?? "

Again the Chinese reached into his wallet keeping calm and patience and brought out a Nova Scotia license.

The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, 
and he yelled at the Chinese 
" just where the hell are you from..?? "

The Chinese smiled turned around, bent over, 
dropped his pants showing his butt and said, 
" you tell me, you are the expert. " -

Monday, September 10, 2012

Istimewanya WANITA !!!

cerita yg menarik, cuba baca ye....

Bila SUAMI balik rumah.... Dia jadi heran giler halaman umah berselerak, surat kat peti pos tak berambil, anak-anak tengah main korek-korek tanah kotor, baju compang-camping, penuh dengan tanah dan kotoran, rambut tak bersikat, tak bermandi.. Masuk ke pintu rumah lagi lelaki tu terkejut.

waaa... mana isteri ku...

Ruang tamu lagi teruk berselerak. Lelaki tu melaung nama isterinya.. Sepi tiada jawapan. Masuk ke dapur, sinki penuh dengan pinggan mangkuk tak berbasuh, periuk tak bercuci, mencari apa yang boleh dimakan tetapi tiada makanan yang dimasak. Masuk ke bilik air, baju belum berbasuh apatah lagi berendam. Lelaki itu cemas mencari isterinya. Dia bergegas ke tingkat atas melihat isterinya terbaring di atas katil sedang membaca buku.

fuuu.. lega..

“Awak sakit ke?” tanya lelaki itu. “Tak lah”, jawab isterinya ringkas. “Kenapa teruk sangat rumah kita hari ni?” Tanya si suami lagi sambil meletakkan tangan di dahi isterinya, kot-kot isterinya demam.“Wahai suamiku, semalam semasa kita bertengkar, abg mengatakan yang saya ini hanyalah suri rumah, duduk di rumah tak sepenat diri abg yang duduk di pejabat, dan abg sering menanyakan apa kerja yang saya lakukan di rumah yang menyebabkan saya merungut kepenatan kadang-kadang..

lelaki tu pun berfikir...

Kalau madam takde kat umah, alangkah tenteramnya hidup ini. Boleh buat ape yang kita suka. Boleh belengkar kat depan TV tanpa sebarang gangguan mental dan fizkal. Pendek kata, FreeDoMmmmmlah!! But hairan bin ajaib, when dia betul-betul pergi meaning “She’s Gone”’ aku plak trasa separuh mati. Sehari dua memanglah shiokkk, no one shouting from the kitchen for help, no ne to komen this and that, no one to criticize. Everything will be smooth…

hahaha... takde yg nak marah ku...

Tp masuk hari ketige, I felt something missing. Lebih-lebih lagi bila tuala mandi dah berbau ‘asshemmmm’, tak tau la mana nak cari yang baru. Colgate da nak abis, tak tau kat mana dia stock up. Air suam da habis, malas nk boil… Masuk hari keempat, rindu mula terasa...

Apabila rindu mencengkam, semuanya jadi tak tentu arah. Tengok TV citer best pon jadi tak best. Nasik bungkus feberite jadik tak feberite. Makan kat 5 star hotel jadik rasa macam makan kat kedai AA. Lebih-lebih lagi bila laundry basket da makin bertimbun ngan baju kotor. Toilet dah mula licin berdaki.. Lantai dah berbelak, tak dimop.. Every nite, very the lonely, baring atas katil nengok ceiling blindly.. bila lonely gini, baru lah rasa benar kesepian.

Jangan kata sebulan atau setahun, belum seminggu isteri takde kat umah, aku dah rasa separuh pengsan. Masa ni barulah sedar netapa pentingnya seorang wanita bernama isteri… So guys out there.. jgn buli isteri kite. Kalau boleh, tolong dia buat kerja rumah. Bukan dok depan TV every weekend baca paper. Apa ingat dia tu kuli ker?! Maid ker?!! Kan dia tu bini kita, best fren kita, sweetheart kita.. Ingat duit hantaran yang kita kasik dia masa nikah dulu cukup ker nak bayar gaji dia ..................................................................seumur hidup ???

ingat balik..

And furthermore, kan sama2 kerja carik rezeki, sama jugak lah buat kerja rumah. Kadang2 bila poket kita sesak, tak ingat ker dialah orang yang paling dekat terdekat kita nak kenyeng-kenyeng duit. Tak kesian ker nengok bini kita? Dah la satu hari keja kat office, balik pulak kena buat kerja rumah lagi… penat tau! Kalaulah aku diberi peluang jadik seorang wanita,… tak rela!!! So to all mums and wives out there, live will be meaningless without You mothers. Uwaaaaaaa!!

SAYANGI LA KAUM PEREMPUAN KERANA TANPA MEREKA ANDA KEHILANGAN SESUATU..

HARGAI MEREKA!!!!!

Dari ilham seorang lelaki.. “ Wanita adalah insan istimewa, biarkan mereka terus membebel, merengek atau mengilai seperti Pontianak. Seburukburuk perangai wanita, ia akan terus melekat di hati kita selagi hayat di kandung badan”

sile share slpas mmbace agar lelaki tahu mghargai wanita ♥

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Muar bakal diisytihar Bandar Diraja


Oleh ZULHISHAM ISAHAK
ABDUL Rahman Dewam (kiri) dan Amran Abd. Rahman menandatangani dokumen untuk serah terima tugas sebagai Pegawai Daerah Muar pada majlis Rumah Terbuka Hari Raya Aidilfitri Pejabat Daerah Muar di Dewan Jubli Intan Sultan Ibrahim, Muar, Johor, baru-baru ini.

MUAR 2 Sept. - Sultan Johor, Sultan Ibrahim Sultan Iskandar memilih untuk menyambut Hari Keputeraan baginda yang ke-54 pada November ini di daerah ini, sekali gus mengisytiharkan secara rasminya bandar ini sebagai Bandar Diraja.

Pegawai Daerah Muar, Abdul Rahman Dewam berkata, tarikh dan tempat sambutan bagi dua acara penting yang dianjur serentak itu akan diumumkan selepas baginda memutuskan perkara berkenaan tidak lama lagi.
"Untuk itu semua kakitangan kerajaan, pemimpin parti politik dan rakyat khususnya di Muar perlu menyahut dan memberi sokongan padu dengan pengisytiharan bandar Muar yang sebelum ini dikenali sebagai Bandar Maharani menjadi Bandar Diraja.

"Ini merupakan satu penghormatan bagi penduduk di Muar kerana bertuah dipilih sebagai Bandar Diraja yang telah diisytiharkan awal tahun ini," katanya pada Majlis Rumah Terbuka Hari Raya Aidilfitri Pejabat Daerah Muar di Dewan Jubli Intan Sultan Ibrahim, di sini baru-baru ini.

Pada majlis tersebut turut diadakan acara serah tugas daripada bekas Pegawai Daerah, Amran Abd. Rahman yang kini dilantik sebagai Pegawai Daerah Johor Bahru pada Julai lalu kepada Abdul Rahman.

Abdul Rahman turut mengingatkan penjawat awam supaya komited dengan tugas masing-masing dan semua pihak tanpa mengira ideologi politik dan latar belakang diminta menyokong rancangan menjadikan daerah ini sebagai Bandar Diraja.

Beliau berkata, usaha keras perlu dilakukan untuk memastikan bandar ini sentiasa berada dalam keadaan cantik, bersih dan aman selaras dengan kehendak Sultan Johor yang mahukan bandar ini menjadi contoh kepada daerah lain.

"Dalam pada itu, penduduk Muar beruntung kerana daerah ini bukan sahaja diisytiharkan sebagai Bandar Diraja tetapi bersebelahan Pagoh yang bakal menjadi hab pendidikan utama negara seperti diumumkan Timbalan Perdana Menteri.

"Tan Sri Muhyiddin Yassin mempunyai rancangan menjadikan Pagoh sebagai Bandar Universiti dan pusat pertumbuhan baru dalam beberapa tahun akan datang. Kita percaya hab pendidikan dan pusat pertumbuhan yang dirancang di Pagoh itu akan menjana pertumbuhan ekonomi," katanya.